


Wait Until Morning

by SummonerLuna



Category: Final Fantasy VIII
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-04
Updated: 2016-12-03
Packaged: 2018-09-06 08:51:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8743342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SummonerLuna/pseuds/SummonerLuna
Summary: When Rinoa met the SeeD assigned to free Timber, she never expected to say goodbye so soon, or to care so much. Now, burdened with guilt, she stays with the friends he left behind, driven by a need to give his death purpose, and the hope from a stranger's hints that she may still see him again. [AU/Canon-Divergence. Based on the "Squall Is Dead" theory. Rinoa/Squall, Rinoa/Seifer]





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> To start: I HATE the Squall-Is-Dead theory. Hate it. I will never like theories like that. Fantasy stories--whatever they are--are important. Theories like this seem to exist only to take the fantasy part out. To make beautiful stories about love, good-triumphing-over-evil, about friendship, about magic, into something as boring (at best) and painful as the real world, and that's...missing the point.
> 
> However when I first heard this theory I immediately went to see if there was fanfic based on it. At the time I started working on this--around 4 years ago--I couldn't find anything. So if something else is out there, I apologize if this bares any similarity. But this concept is so much the sort of things AU fanfic is made for, and I've sat on this idea long enough, so I'm finally posting my take on it!

Before Deling City, magic did not have a smell. It didn’t have much meaning at all, other than the excitement of fairy tales, and those were rebellion in and of themselves. Magic was stories read with a flashlight underneath the covers so her father wouldn’t know how she stayed up late on school nights, hidden with books that were her only companions for so many years. Magic was something in movies she watched at friends’ houses. The Source magic of the witches, and the para-magic soldiers fired at each other with abandon. Magic was soldiers; distant battles in war-torn towns that Rinoa longed to save, and remnants of history.

Even when she first cast, Rinoa Heartilly could not say that magic was more or less than what she expected. It stung, and she did not expect that. The spells burned in her veins and left her fingers tingling, and it was never as effortless as the movies made it look, as the SeeDs made it look. 

After Deling City, it had a smell. 

After Deling City, magic was the sulfur-smoke of fireworks lingering in the streets. It was the sound of a great iron gate slamming into the stone, and the way the bystanders went from cheering to screaming. It chilled her, even when it should have cast a fire. 

After Deling City, magic smelled like blood. 

She didn’t know him, not really. And she had seen death before. Death in her mother, in the blood and glass running through her hair as she lay on the hood of the car when the young EMT pulled Rinoa out of the back seat without the forethought to keep her facing the other direction. Death in the litter of puppies she found in a bag washed up in the river when her father took her to the park and she screamed and kicked until he finally agreed to let her keep the only one that managed to survive. Death in the citizens of Timber who stood up to Deling City, and then in the Galbadian soldiers the SeeDs cut down like blades of grass. 

He had killed men right in front of her, when she swallowed and locked her jaw and pretended not to care, and he was lying there now, one leg at an angle against the float of the parade and a stain of blood spreading beneath him. Was it the fall? Or the ice? Her cheeks were hot from where the shards has flown past close enough to leave her windburned, before sticking in his chest with a finality that would haunt her for weeks. 

She struggled against whoever held her, kept her from running back to him, kneeling at his body. They wouldn’t just leave him—they couldn’t just leave him. SeeDs knew magic, they could bring him back, right? She had hung the hope of Timber on everything Seifer told her, it couldn't possibly be that easy to kill a SeeD. 

Seifer. 

"Rinoa," and she recognized the voice from before. "Let's go." 

"No!" she shrieked, and her arm jerked against Seifer’s firm grip before he slung her over his shoulder and took off at a run. 

"Seifer, please," she half-whispered, locking her fingers tightly around his shirt, and every footfall punctuated her sobs.


	2. Chapter 2

"The…paper. It's in there, today." 

Rinoa did not look up, only felt a presence enter and then leave, heard the sound of paper blowing dust into the still room. After a heavy moment someone stood, took four steps, and rustled the source of the paper-sound. 

"Front page." It was... Rinoa struggled to remember his name. Levine? She closed her eyes more tightly, and tried not to wince when she felt Seifer's hand close around her own. 

"Failed SeeD Mission Results In Youth Casualty."

You don’t— she tried to say, but the words never made it past her own head. 

"One of the most public missions Balamb Garden, world renowned military academy and home base of the famous SeeD mercenary organization, has ever accepted, has resulted in the death of Squall Leonhart, 17, newly initiated into his post as SeeD. 

Leonhart, orphaned as so many of the students at Balamb Garden are, has no known living relatives. Garden is withholding all medical records at this time, but has declared the cause of death as severe head trauma incurred during combat with Sorceress Edea. A private memorial service will be held this Saturday at Balamb Garden. 

The mission, originally contracted as an assist to a grassroots organization in Galbadian-occupied Timber, quickly took a deadly spin once squad leader Leonhart found himself and fellow teammates Selphie Tilmitt and Zell Dincht pitted against the newly appointed Ambassador of Deling City, the Sorceress Edea. Leonhart and his team were given an assassination order against the Sorceress by General Caraway of the Galbadian Army, and it is rumoured that it was Caraway's estranged daughter who contracted the original SeeD mission in Timber. 

The whereabouts of Leonhart's teammates remain unknown, along with Caraway's daughter and an unidentified marksman, also presumed from Garden, who fought alongside Leonhart during his last moments. Former Garden student Seifer Almasy, last seen beside Sorceress Edea at the time of Leonhart's death, is presumed responsible for any further--"

"Unghh," Seifer shuddered beside her, and the sniper stopped reading.

"Well, at least they have something right." There was almost a laugh in the other man’s tone, and even in the darkness of the basement she could see a grim smile in his eyes. 

"I don't... Think there's anything funny about it," she forced out, and the two men fell silent. 

Seifer tightened his grip on her hand, and she again fought with herself to keep her expression passive. She gave him the smallest squeeze in return, and redirected her attention to... Irving? 

"If we can't laugh, what have we got left?" he replied, and she almost believed him. 

"He’s…dead," she said, and her voice sounded hollow. She felt in Seifer's hand the hand of the Sorceress, and it almost made her sick. 

"We knew that," the cowboy—Irvine, that was it—responded, with far more empathy than she was expecting. He didn't know him. But then, neither did she. They were both strangers to this group, and she attempted a smile at him as if to tell him so. 

Rinoa willed herself to almost relax, leaning into Seifer in a way that allowed more contact than they'd had since he carried her out of the parade. 

Did she blame him? 

Yes. 

But then, how could she not?

She wanted to side with him, and she almost could. Hadn't she been under the Sorceress' control, for a time? She remembered walking into the hall, the feeling of absolute smallness that consumed her as soon as she crossed the threshold, felt the thickness of her magic. And then, she remembered cowering on the floor while the iguions circled her, felt the sting on her still-raw-arm from their claws, and how the voice of that ass who wasn't Seifer was suddenly the most comforting sound she'd ever heard. 

He was an ass. 

"He was an ass," she said softly, just to prove she could say it out loud. 

Seifer's chest raised with a chuckle against her back, and he ran his fingers down the side of her face in a way that used to be romantic. 

But when she was under Edea's control, she was used as a human sacrifice. Seifer had seemed so...lucid at the time. Standing there, smirking at her, Squall, and everyone else in Deling City. She had stood below the float and felt his blood spray against her arm and in that moment, she had chosen a side. And she had sided with Squall. 

It was weird to say his name, even in her head. The real him was so far removed from the awkward boy she had dragged onto the dance floor, and now all she could picture was that look on his face right before she ran away. A look that, for the briefest of seconds, made her feel peaceful, and almost desired.

That, and the image of him splayed against Edea's float, and the blood on the pavement that couldn't possibly be his. 

And then Seifer saved them, picked her up and carried her away and brought them to this damp, rotting basement where they would be safe because he "knew a guy." 

The door opened again and she had to tell herself to stop expecting ghosts. 

"Hi," Irvine said plainly, his dim shadow making a half-hearted attempt at a bow.

"Hi," Zell responded. He was flanked by Selphie, smaller than Rinoa and so much stronger, who looked like she'd been crying for days, and Quistis, the teacher, stern and tall and carved from ice. Rinoa envied her composure, and feared it. She felt even more an outsider than before, now, in the presence of Squall's friends, these people who had known him for years and she was the one that dragged them out there in the first place. 

She pushed herself fully into the gap between Seifer's arm and body and he pulled her closer.

"He was an ass," Seifer whispered against her hair, "He was an ass." 

“Are you talking more to me or to yourself,” she whispered back, but they were interrupted before Seifer could respond.

"What the hell is he doing here?" Zell stopped halfway down the stairs looking at Seifer and Rinoa with disgust, betrayal, and more than a little bit of anger. Rinoa felt Seifer's muscles tense.

"He brought us here," Irvine said. "And sent that note for you to join us."

"And we're just trusting him?"

"Zell," Quistis placed a hand on his shoulder Rinoa knew was not gentle, and Zell reluctantly walked the rest of the way down the stairs, shooting daggers in their direction. She felt a strong need to guard Seifer, to stand between him and this group who obviously didn't understand him at all, but... Zell had a point. She settled on keeping her head against his shoulder and avoiding eye contact. 

"Your choice, chicken-wuss,” Seifer spat out. Quistis threw a preventative arm out again against Zell's chest, and he glowered behind her.

"What the hell were you doing up there, anyway? We all thought you were dead."

A pause, and Seifer tightened his arm around Rinoa just so before responding, "I'm pretty sure I was." 

"So we're supposed to just what, forget that happened? She killed--" Zell froze, and the group collectively averted their gazes. 

I want to go home. Rinoa had wanted little else more in her life. Or to go back in time, to forget the whole stupid thing in the first pla--

"Stop it," Seifer grunted in her ear. 

"Stop what?" she hissed back.

"I know you. You're blaming yourself. He was a mercenary, Rin, a soldier. He didn't take that exam the other day because he wanted a job with a good retirement plan."

"I wasn't blaming myself," she said, and tried to ignore the way the others were pretending not to listen. 

"So, you two?" Irvine dropped to the floor with a tired grace, and pulled a cigarette from behind his ear, gesturing it towards Seifer and Rinoa. 

"Ye---" Rinoa looked up, not entirely sure how to answer. It was last summer. But that hadn't been entirely true, had it?

"For awhile now," Seifer answered for her, tossing a lighter in Irvine's direction. 

"Do you really have to do that down here?" Quistis asked with disdain, taking a seat on the last of the basement steps. Irvine shrugged, lit the cigarette, and tossed the lighter back to its owner.

"You said it was last summer." Selphie's voice was brighter than her face suggested, and Rinoa wondered if it was because she was forcing cheerfulness, or if she honestly thrived that much on gossip. She tried to tell herself it was the former, not willing to allow her private life to be what made Squall dying acceptable. 

"You told them about us?" Seifer's voice was a mix of amusement and something Rinoa couldn't quite identify.

"I thought you were dead." 

"I bet Squall didn't take too well to that." 

"He said--" and Rinoa stopped, because Squall's words were still too clear in her mind to hear them by any other voice. I won't have it! 

I won't talk about you in past tense, she told him, told herself. 

"We all were talking about... Memories," she finally supplied. "That people are more than memories. And... Yes. Obviously last summer was just where things started, with us." 

"Is that why you came to Garden?" 

Gossip, she thought, deflating under Selphie’s question. Damn.

"I came to Garden because I wanted to hire SeeD to help me."

"That was a closed event, though. I kept meaning to ask you how you got in…”

"I had..."

"Because I invited her. You might remember, everyone taking the exam was allowed to invite a guest to the graduation. Just because I flamed out at the end doesn't mean I wasn't allowed the same privileges as the rest of you little ass kissers."

It was almost the truth. She squeezed his hand, and he returned the gesture. A silent thank you for covering each other's secrets. 

Selphie fell silent, and Rinoa couldn't be sure if she was satisfied with the answer, or insulted. She suspected it was more that she just remembered how utterly uninterested she was in anything Seifer did, said, or thought. Well screw you, too. 

"So where do we go from here?" Zell asked. 

"Back to Garden," Quistis responded. "B-Garden. We need to talk to Cid." 

"He's on his way." 

The SeeDs turned to Seifer.

"Who died and left you in charge?" Zell demanded, and Seifer only laughed. 

"I think we all know the answer to that question," Seifer gestured to the newspaper, and Zell blanched. 

"Do you really think he would have appointed you as his second-in-command? The guy standing up there trying to kill all of us? Quistis, how should we get in touch with--"

"I said, Cid is already on his way." Seifer nudged Rinoa to the side and stood, and he looked massive in the tiny underground. She pulled herself closer to the wall, and hugged her knees. Maybe if she closed her eyes she would open them on the floor of the presidential palace. Maybe Squall would be standing there and he would put his hand on her shoulder and lead her to stand behind him, and shield her. She tried to remember what he smelled like, to force the vision to be real. 

"And I said, you aren't in charge here," Zell was on his feet now as well. Why wasn't anyone doing anything to stop this?

"If it weren't for me, you'd all be on the ground in Deling right beside him. Or locked up in their prison as political criminals, or--sorry Rinoa--toys, the next time Edea got it into her head to use a person to prove a point."

"The way I see it, if it weren't for you, we never even would have been on her radar, and the assassination would have been successful. Why the hell did you break into the TV station? Wasn't fucking up in Dollet enough, you couldn't just leave Timber alone?"

"You would have stood in the town square in Dollet all day and let Galbadia just take the satellite for their own."

"So what, you were being noble, acting against orders?"

"Did it help in the long run?"

"Did trying to kill the Galbadian president and forcing us to operate in secret help in the long run? Or were you just jealous Squall got to be the one sent out to help your girlfriend and you wanted to screw things up for him? We all saw them that night, you couldn't take---" Zell stumbled back, his words cut off by Seifer's fist. Rinoa felt a flush of anger at Zell, then Seifer, then embarrassment to the point of nausea. 

Zell countered quickly, and flew into Seifer, knocking him against the wall beside the place Rinoa sat. She scrambled out of the way, and willed herself invisible. Seifer was bigger, but Zell was fast, and in his own element. 

Quistis and Irvine were on their feet as soon as Seifer threw the first punch, yelling, looking for a way to tear the two men apart, but Rinoa couldn't see how. They were too angry, too erratic. Seifer fell backwards into the small table and Zell landed on top of him, bringing hit after hit onto Seifer's face.

Then one arm jerked suddenly, and dragged him backwards.

"Sit. Down." Quistis' voice made Rinoa's own blood freeze, and Zell obeyed immediately, arm still attached to her whip. "Selphie, check him." 

Selphie nodded and moved towards Zell.

"Not him. Him."

"Why?" Selphie sounded disgusted, and Rinoa couldn't take it anymore.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Just... Back off. Help your friend." Selphie stared at her for a minute, and Rinoa had the distinct impression it was the first time since they all regrouped that Selphie was actually aware of her as another person, not just a conversation piece. She looked like she wanted to apologize, and Rinoa was grateful she didn't. 

"I'm fine," Seifer grunted, and tried to sit, but Rinoa moved towards him anyway, allowing him to rest his upper body against her lap. He was bleeding from his nose and lip, and one eye was bright red and already starting to swell.

“I think you broke one of my ribs, you bastard," Zell grunted. 

"Not the first time." 

"B-Garden sure is a lot different than mine," Irvine mused, and pulled out another cigarette. The three SeeDs shot him their very best go to hell looks but Seifer only let out another laugh. 

"You should see them at meals." 

"That how Zell got his last broken rib?" 

"Nah, that was just for fun. Zell here likes to break the rules, and I happen to be one of the people who enforces them. Sometimes you have to use a little force." Seifer pulled himself to a fully seated position, and placed an arm over Rinoa's shoulder that was more for his own continued support than anything. 

"I hate you so fucking much," Zell grunted, but did not move, save for a glance in Quistis' direction. She still stood in the relative center of the room, and Rinoa wondered in what universe she had been fired for a lack of leadership. 

"The feeling's mutual. Can I get one of those?" 

Irvine pulled out another cigarette, lit it, and passed it to Seifer.

Rinoa wanted to tell him how much she hated it when he smoked, but held her tongue. She could say whatever she wanted later, out of earshot, but she wasn't about to do anything in front of the SeeDs. 

"As I was saying, before Zell felt the need to prove just how little about this whole operation he actually knows, Cid is aware of where we are, and should have someone here to extract us any second now."

"How?" Quistis' voice was completely void of emotion, the perfect soldier. 

"Ask her."

The basement door opened and they turned in unison, Quistis, Irvine, Selphie, and Zell each tensing for combat.

"Almasy," a voice said. "I don't think injuring SeeD personnel was part of your mission."

"Sorry, Xu," and he just grinned.


	3. Chapter 3

"I quit."

"You've quit five times, now." 

"Yeah, but now I quit for real. Galbadian rules are stupid."

"We didn't make these up, you know."

"Yeah but you still play with them."

"Fine. Do what you want. Where'd Selphie go anyway?"

"In the hall."

Irvine and Zell looked away from their table when Rinoa answered the question, and she shrugged, and waved a hand towards the compartment doors. "She's been out there for awhile."

"Oh. Guess we were pretty into the game," Irvine grinned, and Zell scowled at the size difference in their decks. "Hey, you'll figure it out. I hear you've got some pretty incredible card players at B-Garden though, hard to believe you've never seen this rule before."

"Yeah, incredible. We also play fair."

"Sure you do. I'm gonna go check on Selphie." 

Irvine made sure to grab the larger of the two stacks of cards on the table as he walked past it, and Rinoa could have sworn he winked at her on his way out. 

The door closed, and she stared at her hands, wondering if there was a polite way to ask Zell to go with him. The silence between them dragged on loudly, endlessly, and she found it hard to believe it had only been a couple of days since she'd been asking about--

"So umm... Have you played before?" 

"What?"

"Triple Triad. Cards? You know--"

"--Oh! Umm... Just a little. Zone tried to teach me a few times. I'm not very good."

"Irvine just kicked my ass at this, I think we might be on even ground. Come on." 

Zell started reshuffling the cards he had left, laying five on either side of the small cabin table. "Well?" He gestured to the chair opposite himself. 

"You..." she started, and looked towards the door. "Surely their meeting will be over soon."

"Quistis only confiscates cards when we play them in class, I don't think you have to worry about her right now. Let's go." Zell leaned back, studying the cards he'd flipped, and Rinoa stared at him in absolute disbelief. Quistis? That's who he was thinking about? He and Seifer nearly got into another fight over coming back to Garden on the same vehicle, and he was making jokes about Quistis? 

"Rinoa?"

"Zell--I'm really sorry, but now doesn't really seem like the time." 

He leaned forward. "Rin--Can I call you Rin?"

"Rinoa."

"Fine, Rinoa. What else do you want to do right now? Xu's got Seifer and Quistis locked tightly into a debriefing session, Irvine's... Well, who knows what he's up to, but I don't think it includes either of us, and the snack car is closed for another hour. We can play cards, or you can sit over there and think some more, and I'm pretty sure that's not going to get you anywhere."

"I'm basically a prisoner of war right now. Since when do my captors let me join in recreation?"

"You're not a prisoner. You asked to come with us."

"Before. I asked to come with you before. Now I want to go home, and you won't let me."

Zell sighed, and Rinoa thought for a moment she might be lucky enough that he would leave the train car and let her be alone. Instead, he walked over and took the empty space beside her. 

"Rinoa--"

"I guess I didn't realize when I signed that contract that if something happened to your squad leader I became property of Garden. I didn't sign anything specifically with Sq... With him."

"You aren't Garden property." His voice caught slightly, and he leaned back. 

"Well it feels that way. Squall spends all of his time bossing me around, and the second he's gone the rest of you shove me on one of your trains and tell me I'm not allowed to go home? I didn't pay enough for you to be worried about losing--"

"You aren't Garden property, Rinoa. We are."

"What?"

"Squall... He was good, okay? And I'm not just saying that because I had my nose stuck up his ass. We've been in the same class for a long time now and I've spent most of that time completely jealous of the guy. We all figured he'd end up running this place one day, and really, I wanted him to. Squall was the sort of person you just…followed, you know? He was--"

"Stop talking about him in past tense."

"He is past tense, Rinoa. Whatever that little outburst of his was about, he is. That's what I'm trying to say. We're the ones who are property. You get to talk to Cid, probably sign a few privacy statements, and go back to Timber with a security detail until this blows over. The rest of us? Edea's still there. We know things. Who do you think have to be the ones to kill her? Garden's not going to involve anyone they don't have to in this. What do you think Seifer 'n Quistis are in there talking about right now?"

Rinoa picked at a stray thread on her boot, and frowned at some dirt flaking under her shoelaces. She brushed at it, and jerked her hand back when she realized she was brushing away blood.

"What?"

"I-- Nothing." 

"You can talk to us, you know."

She rubbed her fingers together. She knew blood didn't dry red, but... It had been so different when it splashed across her. Whose blood was this, anyway? Seifer's? Hers? Squall's? It could be anyone's, even one of the monsters they'd run into. That was a lot easier to stomach, but something told her it probably wasn't the case.

"Rinoa--"

"Just leave me alone, okay? I'm not going to talk about Seifer, so stop trying."

Zell paused, and turned to face her fully. "I wasn't asking you to."

"You've all been asking, ever since you found out we were together."

"Well, we talked about plenty of things before that."

"Yeah, and that's my point."

"To be fair, and at the risk of pissing you off, by that point all we were really getting from you was that, who your father was, and the...tension, or whatever, between you and Squall. Seifer seemed like the safer topic." 

"I can see where talking about the mission, yourselves, or even the weather would have been completely off limits."

"You talked to Squall."

"We argued. He was an ass." Is. Was. Dammit. Rinoa turned away, and dropped her head against the arm of the love seat. She was not going to cry, not over him, and certainly not in front of Zell or any of the others. 

"I--Sorry. He was my friend. I think, at least. I don't know if he really had friends, but I do, and I considered him a friend even if he didn't feel the same. Honestly in all the years we were in school together I think the person he seemed the most relaxed around was you, and you didn't even know each other. Maybe that's why we're all interested in you and Seifer, seeing as the two of them tried to kill each other every chance they got--"

"--That is like, the third time you've made a comment like that. Are you that insensitive, or do you just have a horrible sense of humor?"

"It's a turn of phrase. And yeah, kind of lives we live, not really something you think about. You don't want to talk about him in past tense, but you seem more upset over this than anyone."

"My contract--"

"--Sent us to Timber. Garden sent us to Deling City."

"I need to step out for a minute," she said, and crossed to the door before he could respond. Selphie and Irvine greeted her as soon as she opened it, and stared for just a moment. Irvine nodded and smiled, but Selphie only managed to pull a look of fake sympathy, not quite masking the distrust. "Sorry... I--" she scrambled for an excuse.

"Down the hall, " Irvine supplied, and pointed towards a small lavatory door. She would thank him later, but now she only blinked, and walked down the hall with intention.

The room was smaller than she expected for a SeeD train, and she leaned heavily against one wall, seeing herself in the mirror for the first time since leaving her father's house. 

She had deep scratches across one shoulder reaching almost to her neck from the Iguions, but her lip was not as swollen as it felt. Her eyes were heavy and dark, and her hair was tangled, a large chuck of it caked together with what she could only guess was more blood. 

"You're a mess," she told herself, and turned on the sink. The water would not heat, but the cold almost felt better, forcing a sense of focus and closing up the parts of her that were still trying not to cry. Seifer would be out of his meeting soon, and then they could go to a separate cabin and he would explain what happened and everything would make sense--right? 

Would he be mad at her, for fighting with Squall? For dancing with him that night? Maybe. 

He would be mad if he knew how much you wished it was Squall you could go talk to right now. 

"Shut up," she told herself. "He's dead. And he's an ass. And Seifer's your b... your boyfriend. Stop... crying," even at a whisper, her voice was trembling, and she splashed more water across her face. "Stop..." 

It did no good. Rinoa shut the water off and sat on the small commode, and wept. 

.

The grinding of the train woke her up, and Rinoa squeezed her eyes shut fiercely, not even aware she'd fallen asleep. 

Her surroundings were foreign, grey and small, and she quickly realized she was still in the lavatory, and then just as quickly remembered why. How long had she been in there? Her eyes felt more swollen then they had before, and she couldn't breathe through her nose. Sitting up, her head immediately started to pound, and her left arm was dead asleep from serving as a pillow against the hard plastic sink. 

Why hadn't anyone come looking for her? 

Probably because of the way she'd left. At least Zell had the decency to recognize that she didn't want to talk. Or, she suspected, Irvine did, and kept anyone from going after her. Out of everyone in the group she was quickly leaning towards him as the only person with any sense of privacy. Something almost patriotic flickered inside of her towards Galbadia, and she ignored the irony that she had sought out the Balamb SeeDs because Galbadia was her enemy. 

Funny, how that still made more sense to her than just about anything else until now.

And why hadn't Seifer come for her? Surely they were done with their meeting. She wondered if he and Zell were fighting again, or if that officer--Xu, her name was?--had separated him from the rest of the group. In the small time from the basement to the train, before she had wordlessly summoned Seifer and Quistis into a different car, Xu had seemed cold enough to make Squall look warm and inviting, but at least she had treated all of them the same.

Almost. Her only bias seemed to be towards making Rinoa particularly aware of her status as an outsider. She wished Xu had separated her from the rest of the group. As much as she wanted to talk to Seifer, she dreaded it just as much. But he was the lesser of all the evils, and at least he was familiar. 

A course of guilt ran through her over her actions in the basement, clinging to him, defending him, when really--why? 

Because he was familiar. Because Squall wasn't there. And why in the name of Bahamut did that even matter? And why, why couldn't she seem to let go of it? 

The train groaned and lurched again, and she winced at the pain in her still-sleeping arm, but managed to stand. A final glance in the mirror showed she looked only marginally better than she had before. She'd cleaned up most of the blood, save for what was in her hair, but her eyes were puffy and red to the degree she'd never be able to hide that she had been crying.

Well, whatever. So what if they were all robots who didn't care that their friend--someone they all claimed to respect so much--died violently in front of them. She wasn't a robot, and if they wanted to judge her for that, maybe it would just get her back to Timber that much sooner.

"Get in the car, and leave your emotions here," Xu had barked at her.

"No," she said. "I won't. They come with me." She nodded at herself, and opened the door.


End file.
